Forget the Joneses

“Because I have to.”

That’s the usual response I get from friends when I inquire why they are involved in so many activities—activities that are clearly causing stress and fatigue. I see this a lot in families with young kids: adults racing around from work to school to the practice field to piano lessons to… the list goes on and on.

It’s not limited to families, however. I also see my single friends in similar situations. Work, happy hour, a second job, and social engagements fill their calendars to the max. So who’s the culprit behind all of this running around?

It’s those damn Joneses.

Of course I’m referring to the age-old parable of “keeping up with the Joneses,” those famous neighbors/friends we all love to hate. We see the Joneses in all parts of the city. In the suburbs, they’re the ones with the better house, the better lawn, and the kids in four after school activities. In urban areas, the Joneses are the jetsetters, driving their fancy cars to lavish parties, expensive restaurants and going on ultimate vacations. The Joneses can be found in every corner of the world.

It’s not them, it’s you

Behind their backs, most people hate the Joneses. But it’s not the Jonses that are the problem, it’s the constant comparison of our own lives in relation to the Jonses that is the problem. To make matters worse, our constantly-connected world now allows us to keep up with the Joneses 24 hours a day through social media. We fill our computer screens and minds with evidence of our own lack in comparison to others. This non-stop storyline causes us to feel jealous, empty and inadequate.

That perceived inadequacy is what causes us to overextend ourselves. As our social networks grow larger, I’m noticing even more of a drive for people to try and live up to some unachievable lifestyle, and they’re willing to put their health and sanity on the line to get it. It’s the reason I so often hear, “Because I have to.”

But do you have to? No, you don’t.

It’s time we reclaim the perfection that is our own lives. It’s time we focus on our own accomplishments, our own victories and our own contributions to the world. It’s time we remember that through our own unique lives, we are positively affecting the universe. We just don’t always see it.

The reason we don’t see our impact is because of our old friend the ego. The ego is our interface with the physical world. It examines the world and helps us make sense of the landscape around us and it determines how we should interact with others.

The ego isn’t always right. Yes, it means well. Its job is to protect Number One—the “self” that we know and relate to. But the ego suffers from not having all of the information available. It becomes scared and overprotective. It blows things out of proportion and causes us to question our own motives.

The ego is susceptible to the constant comparison with the Joneses. It views the success of others as a threat, reasoning that we will be judged negatively by the world if we don’t act the same way, achieve the same things or do better than our neighbors, friends and coworkers.

Most of us don’t take the time to question the ego, we simply rely on it to guide our actions and responses to the world and call it good. But this is only the beginning of our troubles, for when we accept—unquestioningly—data from the ego we get a skewed view of ourselves.

When we don’t challenge that data, we simply assume that we have to keep up with the Joneses. We accept that the world will judge us negatively if we don’t do everything in our power to live up to standards set by the media, coworkers, friends, family, or our own one-sided egos. We feel trapped and hypothesize that the only way to live is to keep up with the rest of the world, whether we want to or not.

Reality challenge™

This week, I invite you to challenge your relationship with the Joneses and your ego. Whenever you catch yourself feeling overextended, overwhelmed, or are doing something you really don’t want to do, stop and ask yourself a few questions:

1. Am I doing this activity because I really want to?
2. Am I getting any pleasure out of this activity?
3. Who am I expecting to notice that I am doing this activity? (friends, spouse, kids, neighbors, PTA president)?
4. What’s the worst thing that would happen if I didn’t do this activity?
5. Would I still be involved in this activity if no one knew who I was?
6. Could I quit this activity tomorrow?

As you can see from the questions, what you’re trying to do is get your ego to be a little more objective. Yes, there are certain things you have to do, like going to work and taking care of the kids. But is anyone forcing you to volunteer your time every night of the week?

The answers you give to the questions above should help you see how much you are trying to keep up with the Joneses or if you are really wanting to involve yourself in activities that give you a good return. What advice would you give to a friend who gave you the same answers?

We oftentimes don’t see how we have painted ourselves into a corner with our lives. When we let prestige, honor, materialism or acceptance rule our activities, we seldom get a good return. When we use our time in purposeful, nurturing,  and fulfilling ways, we get an excellent return.

So, which will it be? A good return on your time or a stress and fatigue trying to keep up with the Joneses? This week, make it a priority to find out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Slowing the momentum

Did you ever play spinning contests as a child? The kind where you close your eyes, spin around as fast as you can for a minute or so, then open your eyes and see if you can walk in a straight line? If you have, then you remember how hard it is to slow momentum and keep your composure. You usually stumble around half sick, half laughing and end up falling to the ground.

As a child, playing with physical momentum can be a fun game. As an adult, we often plague ourselves with a different kind of momentum, that of unconscious emotional and mental momentum. And as an adult, it’s no fun at all. I saw this in action recently with a co-worker. Steve came into my office looking rather flustered and proceeded to unload his feelings about a high-level meeting he had just attended. He was mad at the world, finding fault with every policy, person and action he could name in a few moments. The energy in my office became tense and swirled with negativity.

After I finally shooed him out of my office, I felt a calmness float down on my workspace and returned to my project. But a few minutes later, Steve was back with more things to complain about. I watched, now with interest, how his thoughts and emotions were gaining momentum and propelling him toward something big. To even the untrained eye, he had reached a point of no return. His anger at the world was reaching a fevered pitch and he was bound to explode or collapse. Thankfully, neither happened and Steve decided to go home early for the day.

What happened to Steve happens to all of us and I’ve noticed it happening a lot more frequently. It’s easy to blame these types of incidences on the economy but that seems to be the scapegoat for a lot of people with out-of-control emotions and thought patterns. As the economy has slowed, people have been feeling more and more powerless in their work world, forced to put up with more stress, more work and less fun. The economy aside, a lot of folks are feeling new stresses on their lives. Technology, politics, time (or more specifically, the lack of time), relationships, and money are all big stress-inducers for many people and when they go unchecked, they can build stress to an unmanageable level.

The most discouraging thing about getting caught in negative emotional and mental momentum is that we usually don’t realize we’re caught in it in the first place. Without realizing, we continue on the same path, gaining more and more momentum until we finally crash head first into some kind of brick wall. That wall shows up as a health challenge, emotional outburst, a broken relationship or the loss of a job.  When we finally hit the wall, we suddenly see that the path we’ve been on is less than desirable.

How do you slow the momentum of negative emotional and mental constructions?

Become conscious

This should be obvious but for most of us, it’s not. To slow down or even to change direction, you must first become aware that the path you’re on is not leading you to the right place. You’ve got to wake up from your unconscious behavior and unconscious thinking and see yourself from a different angle. Like someone snapping their fingers in front of your face or waiving smelling salts under your nose, you need to change your focus to the present moment.

Becoming aware of your thoughts and emotions won’t automatically change them, but it will alert your conscious mind that a change is needed. The earlier you catch negative momentum building, the easier it is to slow it down and turn it around. But even if you’re charging full steam ahead into the abyss, it’s imperative to catch yourself in the act. If you feel yourself being taken over by your emotions, see if you can view yourself as a friend would. What would you tell him or her?

Please note that I’m not talking about an emotional outburst that may be justified. It’s best to allow your emotions to run through your system than to try and stop them. But many times we’ve fallen into the trap of repeated negative emotions and we’re simply adding to the heap of negativity that’s already there. If you’re experiencing recurring emotions and circumstances, it may be a sign that you need to try a different approach.

Acknowledge where you are

Becoming conscious alerts you that you’re on a path that doesn’t feel right. You may not know exactly where you want to go at this stage, but you’ve already identified that you want something different.

When you acknowledge where you are in this present moment, you honor that part of you that has been screaming for attention. The negative, hurtful or destructive emotions you’ve been caught up in can now be gently acknowledged and patted on the head. They’ve served their purpose: to get your attention. Now, it’s time to consciously choose a new direction for yourself.

Change your thoughts

Slowing down a train from 100 to 20 miles per hour takes a bit of energy. So does changing your thoughts. This stage of the process is the most important in slowing momentum, as a change in thoughts is a signal to yourself and the universe that you intend to do something different.

The actual new thought isn’t as important as the fact that you’re willing to change your thoughts. Get creative and try some on for size. You’re not trying to be Pollyanna or convince yourself of something that isn’t true, but you can identify some general thoughts or emotions that may help shift down your gears.

At this stage of the game, generalized statements may seem more realistic and more attainable to your inner self or your ego. For example, Steve may have said, there are some things happening around here that I don’t agree with but not all of these decisions affect me. I’ll choose to be concerned with the ones that do. It’s a small step, but an important one. He’s telling the universe that he’s willing to let some of the negativity go in exchange for a concerted effort in some other areas. In other words, he’s picking his battles. Some other examples:

I like knowing I’m employed.

I’m glad I have people that will listen to me when I’m overwhelmed.

If I take a walk, I can clear my head for a few minutes.

I can choose to think about this later when my emotions are calm.

There were some good things that happened to me today, such as _______.

Again, the important part of this step is to make an effort to think a different thought. In effect, you’re distracting yourself from the fast train you were on and you’re giving yourself some time to orient yourself toward your new goals. Even a slight change in direction can help you see a new possible direction.

On the right track

Becoming conscious, acknowledging where you are and choosing new thoughts are the start of a wonderful new journey. By taking the time to perform these steps, you take energy away from the negative thoughts and emotions and allow law of attraction to start finding new, positive ones in their place.

If, however, you find that train speeding toward your hopes and dreams, ride it all the way to the end. Positive momentum feels good to the ego and the conscious mind. And do a few spinning circles, just for fun.

You CAN fight city hall (without actually fighting): United Breaks Guitars (Book Review)

Editor’s note: From time to time I will be reviewing books related to conscious creation, self-development, law of attraction and other subjects of interest to my readers. I’ll note on each book review if I purchased the book myself or if I obtained a review copy from the publisher.

When a careless United Airlines baggage handler threw musician Dave Carroll’s guitar across the tarmac in March 2008, little did he know he’d strike a chord with millions of air travelers around the world. On that fateful day, Carroll’s guitar would suffer severe damage and set in motion one of the most successful viral music videos to date. That video lead to a global conversation about customer service, social media, self-empowerment and the value of doing the “right thing.”

United Breaks Guitars is the written follow-up to Carroll’s YouTube video and is an intriguing story that will certainly be of interest to anyone involved in customer service, public relations and social media. It is also an excellent example of how applying conscious creation concepts to a challenge can yield fruitful results both in the marketplace and in life.

Background

After Carroll discovered his broken guitar, he spent almost a year trying to get compensation from United Airlines for repairs. At each step, he was turned away, the result of a poor customer service policy that favored United and not its customers. As his frustration mounted, he began searching for ways to share the experience with others that would cause United to take heed.

Rather than turn to legal action, Carroll decided on the one area he knew best: music. He vowed to write a series of songs and make corresponding videos to be placed on YouTube. The first song, “United Breaks Guitars,” was posted on July 6, 2009 and took only days to reach a million viewers, his original goal. In that first week, his message reached around the world and he became sought by media outlets to talk about the experience.

The idea worked, prompting United Airlines to engage him in conversations about the experience and the video. But perhaps more impressively, the United Airlines stock price actually dropped as a result of the video’s success. It’s fair to note that United did finally own up to the mistake, apologize for it and offer compensation for the repairs.

Today, with more than 12 million hits on YouTube, the video trilogy continues to gain steam while Carroll has become a sought-after speaker and consumer advocate. United Breaks Guitars dissects the experience in minute detail and gives readers a chance to understand the circumstances, the musician and the social media phenomenon that resulted from one mishandled piece of luggage.

Overall, this is an excellent account of Dave Carroll’s United experience and is useful for anyone interested in or working in customer service, social media, branding or the music business. It’s a quick, easy read and gives the audience a thorough look into the implications of social media in the marketplace and the ability for one person to truly make a difference. The book, however, may also be of interest to readers familiar with new age concepts.

New Thought Connections

When I saw United Breaks Guitars on the Hay House review website, I was intrigued: why is Hay House—the largest publisher of self-development books—producing a book about business, customer service and social media? I must admit I hadn’t heard of Carroll’s experience prior to seeing the book title, but a quick read of the description convinced me I’d like to learn more. As a public relations/marketing director by day and conscious creator writer by night, the book seemed right up my alley.

The main storyline of UBG is certainly applicable to general business. Parts of the book read like a university textbook on customer service 101 and what can go wrong when businesses don’t take care of their customers. But it’s the understory of UBG that gently leads readers to understand the power one person can bring to the marketplace—and the world—with a good idea and a cause.

Non-confrontation

What’s important to note and what most media accounts of Carroll’s experience omit is the fact that he was not out for revenge against United, quite the opposite. Instead, he was intent on making things right in a way that respected everyone involved. So, when he vowed to write songs and produce videos about the customer service challenge, he was very clear in his goals:

“The success of UBG was not about anger or confrontation,” Carroll writes. “From my perspective, my goal was never to get revenge, but rather to compel United to take responsibility and to see that hurting their customers is damaging to their own business. I wanted them to see that there aren’t two sides to consumer stories like mine, just one: the right side. While revenge is a negative and angry emotion, my approach was anything but vengeful.”

That respectful nature was part of a larger approach, which Carroll describes as “non-confrontational.” Like many authors in Hay House’s catalog, the singer/songwriter realized that coming across as bitter and rude wouldn’t really get to the heart of the matter and could actually escalate the tension further.

With a good idea in place, Carroll enlisted the help of family and friends to make his music videos and all were more than happy to help. After all, many people at some point in their lives have had a bad air travel experience and most people thought this would be an excellent way to get United’s attention. Also, his musician friends were very supportive, knowing how important the instrument was to the performer. He was on to something big.

“Call it intuition, but I absolutely knew that I was at the start of what would be a very long process, so I made two vows to myself that day: first, I would not give up until this matter was resolved to my satisfaction; and second, I would never lose my temper in any of my interactions. I would do my best to be respectful to everyone I encountered, knowing that they were simply trying to do their job within the rules they were given,” he writes.

Carroll obviously understands new thought concepts and applied them (knowingly or unknowingly) to the situation at hand. His grace-under-fire handling of the customer service issue cut through months of deadened leads and caused an airline—and the world—to stand up and take notice. As the video gained popularity and Carroll began doing media tours, he quickly understood how letting go of results and remaining focused on his goals would help move things forward.

“As has happened so many times in my career, there were plenty of reasons to wait until all the conditions were better in order to move ahead. But once again, I took a leap of faith that doing the best you can with what you’ve got always leaves you better off than having done nothing at all. I was reminded that stepping up to make the most an opportunity is when magic occurs and that the right people will always appear for you, at just the right time, but you have to first show up yourself.”

That approach would allow the songwriter to take advantage of synchronicities that came his way, including friends and strangers donating time and effort to make the videos and help him with his new career as a consumer advocate. The first video became successful so quickly that Carroll was forced into the limelight with little or no direction. He was pioneering a new way of taking on a giant corporation through social media and the idea was working.

Nice guys finish first

What becomes immediately apparent when reading UBG is Carroll’s understanding of the power new age thought. While so many in the main stream media turned the story into that of “one guy taking on a giant corporation,” Carroll focused on doing the right thing for himself, United and seemingly-powerless consumers everywhere.

At each step in the story, the musician kept a clear head and remained focused on telling the story the way he wanted. He stuck to the facts, letting others draw their own conclusions about United or about customer service, and in the process, reveals to the reader what happens when a nice guy is compelled into action.

Millions understood the frustration, anger and bewilderment he felt with the United experience and he’s received email after email of similar stories. He’s been recognized in airports and venues around the world as the “United guy,” and he’s been able to focus that popularity into new ventures.

In addition to his music, Carroll has launched a secondary career as a consumer advocate, sharing his United story with audiences and also helping co-found the website Gripevine (https://gripevine.com), where frustrated consumers can post messages to businesses large and small in hopes of getting satisfaction. He’s become an ombudsman of sorts, standing up for the little guy and leveraging his new contacts to help businesses learn to take care of their customers.

He also used the theory of “pay it forward” as he found success with the YouTube version of UBG, donating United’s financial compensation to people and organizations that needed a little extra boost. The video and corresponding story have since been used by organizations large and small as training material about customer service and social media.

What struck me most when reading United Breaks Guitars is Carroll’s overall life philosophy, how he turned each step in the United saga into a win-win for everyone involved. That life-approach is familiar to self-development readers who will resonate with Carroll’s mission statement:

 “Whatever I choose to engage in, I’ve decided to approach it with a caring and positive attitude, and I know that when I do, I attract more of the same. In the process, I’ll control the things within my reach and worry less about the things outside it.”

Overall thoughts

This is a deceptively complex manuscript. Carroll’s clear and simple writing make it a quick read yet the story line allows for different audiences to each get something out of the book. Business-type readers will appreciate the ramifications of social media on the bottom line; consumer advocates will resonate with his ability to get United to act; while personal-development readers will take home examples of living a consciousness-centered life.

While you’re at it, check out Carroll’s first “United Breaks Guitars” YouTube video or check out some of his other music. In particular, “Now” is a beautiful ballad based on the work of Eckhart Tolle and other new thought pioneers.

United Breaks Guitars is available from these booksellers:

FTC Disclosure notice

I received this book for free from Hay House Publishing for review. The opinion in this review is unbiased and reflects my honest judgment of the product.

It’s all about choice

“You don’t have to stay stuck in this.”

I felt like a concerned friend trying to talk myself into believing some rather blatant and obvious advice. I knew the option was there—to change my thinking and challenge some old beliefs—but staying where I was felt so familiar. Notice I didn’t say comfortable. Sometimes familiar is anything but comfortable.

I dug down deep into my psyche to evaluate the situation. I’ve been studying conscious creation for several years and understand the concept intellectually: you create your own reality—all of it. Acquiescing to that belief means I can’t blame anyone else for my problems or challenges, they’re all uniquely my own. In fact, I even believe that I willingly take on specific challenges simply because they will in some way expand my learning and take me to a new plateau. But the liberation I feel when I think about that concept certainly feels much different when I’m staring my own challenges in the face.

All of us have particular challenges we have selected to work on in this lifetime. Some are small goals that can be achieved with relative ease while others are the culmination of a lifetime of closely-held beliefs. One of my challenges is money and abundance (like most of Americans these days) and I realize when I work on money issues, I’m trying to change more than 40 years of thoughts and beliefs about money, worthiness, safety and trust.

It’s those deeply-rooted beliefs that can cause a lot of problems if you don’t become conscious of them. And even when they do become conscious, it can take some practice and hard work to change them. But there’s one small, yet very powerful, tool in the conscious creation arsenal that often gets overlooked: choice.

For me, this reminder popped up over the weekend as I was paying my monthly bills. As is usual at the first of the month, bill paying can sometimes send me into a tailspin of negative beliefs: will I have any money left at the end of the month? Will I ever have more money? Will I ever be able to take a real vacation? The questions are endless but the result is always the same. The thoughts send me into a mild depression about money, the future and where I am with some of my conscious creation goals.

Even knowing what I do about conscious creation, I had a hard time controlling my thoughts. No matter what I tried to do physically—clean the house, mow the lawn, talk on the phone—my thoughts seemed to creep back to those pesky money-related issues. The law of attraction took over each time and one thought would turn into many others on the same subject. The result was more of the same and lots of negativity pervading my otherwise outstanding weekend.

I was sitting on the deck late pondering these questions, again, when I became aware of a new emotion—anger. I was becoming angry with myself for having these repeated thoughts take over my consciousness. Anger directed at ones self is never useful (despite what we have been taught), so I knew I was stepping into dangerous territory. Still, my life experience seemed to reinforce something that simply wasn’t working. That is, I was hoping that focusing on the problem would help me find new solutions and it wasn’t. So, I’d get angry again and start the cycle anew.

When I really couldn’t stand it any longer, that beloved inner voice rose up and spoke to me in a quiet, calm and convincing manner. “You don’t have to stay stuck in this,” it reminded me. The words caught me off guard with their simplicity. “Of course I have to stay stuck in this, I don’t know any better!” my conscious mind objected.

From there, I was able to engage myself in a dialogue about the nature of reality and how it relates to conscious creation. I reminded myself that I was already doing all of the “work” I needed to when it comes to my money goals. I reminded myself that I was working on feeling safe in my world and that the universe is always leading me toward my best fulfillment. But, my inner self objected: even while the universe is lining up better and better things for me, I still have the choice of how I feel in each moment.

It sounded like Pollyanna advice; however, I knew it was correct. I’ve written about these subjects, I knew the benefit to the concepts but I needed a stern yet compassionate reminder that it’s always a choice of how to respond in the present moment that makes all the difference.

It does take a leap of faith to consciously choose a new path for yourself and for your thinking. As I sat and teetered on the edge of choosing a new path for my thoughts, I knew I was ready to tackle the process. For me, that meant that despite the slow progress (or seeming lack of progress) on my goals, I had to be vigilant in each moment to make the choice between the new and the old. I can choose to feel good about my progress and my new direction or I can stay stuck in the old. The choice is mine.

The old, familiar thoughts certainly weren’t working for me. Yet I looked at them with nostalgia. I had practiced the habit of feeling bad about money and abundance and I knew how to handle it even as I wished for a better outcome. I knew the contours of the feelings and where they would lead and felt ashamed for thinking them again. Choosing a new reaction to these thoughts felt like trying to stop a locomotive in motion. I knew it was possible and I knew it would be in my best interest, but I had to rouse my full consciousness to do it. That is, it would take a lot of energy to do it the first time and then the process would become easier.

This is one of those times when the real work of self-development happens when you’re in the middle of a “tough situation.” It’s one thing to learn about and study concepts when you’re in a good mood, devoid of in-the-moment challenges. It’s another when you’re slapped in the face with a chance to change your life. I hypothesized that the situation must be like an alcoholic deciding whether or not to take a drink after attending an AA meeting for the first time. The situation becomes a now-or-never proposition and the choice will set the tone for future development.

I did decide that I was tired of having the same reaction to money and I told myself that from now on, I would consciously choose a better feeling thought. That new thought can shift as circumstances change but the important part is to recognize when I’ve drifted into old thinking patterns and remind myself that I have a choice. I always have a choice.

Now this doesn’t mean that answers to my money woes will suddenly appear out of thin air. It doesn’t even guarantee that I’ll make headway on changing my beliefs about money. But making a conscious choice to accept a new line of thinking tells my inner self and the universe that I’m serious about a new direction. Accepting new thinking sets into motion a whole slew of probabilities for me, any of which may turn my life around in new, unexpected ways.

It seems too simple to boil this notion down to the word choice, but in many ways it is that simple. Too often I forget (and many others do, too) that making a choice to feel, think or act differently is where the real work of self-improvement starts. It’s the gateway to honoring the spirit and it all starts with taking that first step. Here’s to choice.

 

 

 

Why the hell am I doing this?

Last weekend I was challenged to think about what I’m passionate about. I attended a writer’s workshop in Denver to learn more about the possibility of publishing a book on conscious creation. During that seminar, I experienced an extreme range of emotion. First I was elated, filled with inspiration and creativity and dreams of the New York Times bestseller list in my mind. The next day, reality set in when I learned how difficult publishing can be, how rare it is to succeed in the industry and how much time needs to be devoted to not just writing a book but promoting it as well.

I was deflated.

Since I began this blog several months ago, I’ve had the chance to explore issues of conscious creation and spirituality. To do that, I’ve had to rely on synthesizing years of understanding on a variety of topics and explain them through my own experience. The process of writing about these topics has forced me to really dig deep into my own understanding and prove to myself and others that I know what I’m talking about.

So as I got caught up in my own depression about the so-called reality of book publishing, I had to take a step back and realize I was back in the “accepted” view of reality. It was as if the past 10 years of my life had vanished and I was back to the old way of looking at the world. Old beliefs floated to the top of my consciousness: life is hard; you’ll never find what you’re looking for; things are never going to change; you don’t have what it takes. The list went on and on.

And it sucked.

With the help of some courageous friends, I was called on the carpet about my own beliefs. After all, conscious creation is about discarding beliefs that are no longer useful and here was a whole heap of beliefs that needed to go. I had to return to the basics of spirituality, including refreshing my trust that the universe will support me in whichever way I turn.

Several conversations with friends and coworkers solidified the thoughts brewing in the back of my mind. One friend told me how overworked she was, how she couldn’t possibly take on any more “things” in her life and how deep she was sinking. She then proceeded to tell me about how she was starting a new parent-teacher group at her kids’ school and volunteering to run a fundraiser at church. In my mind, I wanted to scream at her to look into her own beliefs and see which ones she could eliminate yet I remained quiet.

That same day, a coworker came into my office to “vent” about some things happening in his department. I swear he almost burst a vein in his neck when he talked about how bad things had become at work, how he wasn’t valued as an employee and how the entire organization didn’t make sense. He was angry and depressed and the stress was beginning to take its toll on his body: it was that visible.

It’s often so easy to spot the limitations of others and ignore our own that I almost missed the poetic imagery that the universe was placing in my view. I wanted desperately to help both friends see how a change in perception could change their lives.

As I processed these conversations in my head, I was reminded of my own life many years ago. At that time, I was both of these people. I was unhappy, a bit depressed, and I blamed a lot of people for my troubles. I could point to my demanding boss, my uncaring friends and unsupportive coworkers for all of my problems. I frequently pleaded with the universe to give me a break and just allow me some happiness. I kept looking for solutions outside of myself instead of looking within.

The comparison of now versus then jolted me back into my senses. When I was exposed to topics such as law of attraction, affirmations, consciousness studies and simultaneous time, I felt I had come home. These seemingly surreal topics resonated with me in a way that nothing had before. I remembered how I had spent the past several years devouring as much information as I could on these subjects and trying the concepts on for size.

Do I feel like I’ve made it? Not quite. Do I feel like I understand the topics better? I’m getting there. Do I feel a lot happier in my life? You betcha. And for that reason, I’ve decided to reaffirm my spirituality goal:

I pledge to investigate and share my experience and understanding of conscious creation and new age/spirituality topics in an effort to help myself and others live better and more fulfilling lives.

It’s as simple as that. The pledge does give me a lot of latitude—anywhere from continuing on with this blog to telling a stranger about a great book I read. Does it mean I’ll be writing a book soon? It’s too early to tell. In the meantime I’ll go back to my investigative work: researching, reading, experimenting and evaluating the topics and tools we can all use to be happy. From there, I’ll leave the results up to the creation universe and see where it takes me.

Thanks for being with me on the journey.

Are you ready to bloom?

At any time, your consciousness is ready to open up and show the world how spectacular you are. Affirm to yourself that you are loved and you are safe. When you trust in the universe and trust yourself, you allow your consciousness to unfold naturally and at the right speed. Each day brings you new experience and new admiration for the flower that is your life. Open up and let the world experience your magnificence.

Chasing rainbows

Okay, so I wasn’t chasing it but I was struck by how quickly rainbows can return us to the present moment. I saw this beauty for about three minutes as I drove out of the mountains and finally pulled off the road to admire it. The air was still and moist from the recent rain/snow mix that had just pulled through. The sun was warm and allowed me to concentrate on nothing but the beauty of the day before me.

Of moths and men

In the dream world, we create our world symbolically. Our dream symbols are as varied and individualistic as we are. An airplane may signal your desire to change direction or get out of town. A prison may indicate feeling trapped in a tough situation…the list goes on and on. Dreams allow you to test probable outcomes that you’ll experience in waking reality and are a wonderful tool for analyzing thoughts, emotions and beliefs. But what if you had some of that same symbolic awareness in your waking life? You do.

Through our conditioning, we don’t see waking-life events and objects the same way we do our dream creations. Our waking life is full of the same kind of symbolic clues that we find in our dreams but we view them differently. We don’t realize we created those events and objects in the first place and now find ourselves in the position of reacting to them. This process is so seamless, so practiced, that we find it difficult to spot the very visible signposts we need to change our lives or continue doing what we do best.

So many symbols, so little time

Because we create everything in our lives whether we know it or not, it’s tough to know what symbols we should pay attention to. For most of us, it’s the self-labeled “negative” aspects that we experience that cause us to sit up and pay attention to what we are creating. So-called negative events don’t feel right and therefore get our attention in a more direct way. Recently I had a big reminder of this. Or, more appropriately, I had a lot of small reminders.

If you’ve never seen textile moths, be thankful. I’m not taking about standard Miller moths—the kind most people associate flying around light bulbs in the summer. Textile moths are very small, about a quarter inch, and are not attracted to light like others. They are extremely destructive and are the moths that prefer to dine on wool and animal-based textiles. If you’ve ever had a sweater eaten in the closet, it’s the result of these little creatures.

My own personal symbolism

A year ago, I discovered an infestation of textile moths in some family heirlooms in the closet. I was devastated. In just a few months time, they had eaten through many of my family’s treasured wool rugs and threatened to destroy more. We reacted quickly and salvaged what we could. I went on a house-cleaning terror and vowed that they wouldn’t harm anything again. At the time, I used the experience to remind myself of the benefits of the destruction, realizing they were helping me take action on some family issues I was working on.

Since then, I occasionally see a lone moth flying around at night. I check the traps I set out and double check anything valuable. So you can imagine my dismay last weekend when I moved a box in my office and found a nest of the little buggers infesting a chair. Sure enough, there were dead moths in some of the traps and I worked fast to mitigate the problem as soon as I could.

While I was cleaning everything in the house—again—I had time to think about the personal symbolism of the moths. Since they hadn’t destroyed anything this go-around, I was able to see them in a different light. In reality, they are small, annoying little creatures that prefer to stay hidden from sight. They start out small in number and quickly multiply if the conditions are right for their survival and growth. Left unchecked, they can unknowingly cause lots of damage and heartache.

Understanding your symbols

I realized that the moths were symbolic of my beliefs—beliefs that needed to be brought into the open, investigated and then changed or discarded. I had ignored the little glimpses I received here and there over the past year and was now facing an opportunity to address those beliefs before they cause any destruction in my life. At this point, the moths (and my beliefs) were in the process of changing from a nuisance to a destructive force and I needed to be awake enough, alert enough, and courageous enough to do something about them.

Now comes the fun part in identifying the actual beliefs I need and want to change. They are there waiting to be discovered. Like shining a flashlight into a dim room to find the moths, it takes the light of consciousness shining at exactly the right angle to illuminate hidden beliefs. For me, part of that process involves looking at things like the symbolism of the room I found them in (my office), where I found them nesting (my father’s chair) and what I fear will happen if they go unchecked.

Interestingly, once I became aware of the personal symbolism of the moths, they then also began to appear in my dreams. The exciting part for me was dreaming that I quickly and easily eliminated the moths. Upon waking, I realized that the same would be true in waking life and that with conscious creation, I can change my beliefs just as easily.

Discovering your own daily symbolism is an extremely personal process. It takes commitment and focus to realize when something is vying for your attention and then taking the time to decipher the clues. In the conscious creation model, nothing is left to chance; you create events in your life for very specific, personal reasons. Uncovering those reasons gives you the opportunity and the flexibility to change them and honor your spirit in the process.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The whine-about syndrome

If there’s one skill we seem to develop further each day, it’s this: complaining. And complaining is a skill as it takes patience, craft and a lot of practice. But there’s an emerging nuance to the art of complaining and it comes in an even more annoying form. No longer content to simply share dissatisfaction, the complainer now adds hopelessness to his statements. This deadly combination is known casually as whining and it stands as a blockade to honoring the spirit.

Whining is complaining combined with hopelessness and it’s one of the most stubborn psychological states to change once you’re caught in it. I call it the whine-about syndrome and it’s taking over our homes, businesses and the Internet.

I recently had a first-hand look at a professional whine-about when a coworker threw a honest-to-goodness temper tantrum. The original complaint, a valid one, involved a missing computer cable. But after I brought him a replacement, it was too late. Suddenly everything was wrong: none of his coworkers were helpful (despite me standing there with the very cable he needed), people had become overly selfish and nothing was going to change man’s heartless condition. As he complained, his face reddened, his feet stomped the ground and his hands flew up and down in the air. His voice inflection confirmed my suspicion as the tell tale six-year-old whining voice took over. He was in the middle of a full-scale whine-about attack.

I thought about trying to talk him out of his conundrum and then thought better of it. He needed to learn on his own.

The universe beautifully delivered another example to my office several minutes later. This gentleman looked a little disheveled and I inquired how he was doing. That one question opened the floodgates to a barrage of whine-abouts. I stopped listening after the first few statements.

Often when we are on a self-development path, it’s easy to spot the problems, limitations and opportunities of others yet we’re quite blind to our own. The same day I encountered the whine-abouts at work, I had an opportunity for self-diagnosis. Again, the trigger was a basically benign event—a staff meeting—but the resulting feelings it stirred in me caused me to feel trapped, defeated and hopeless. I felt I needed to share what happened to me and spent the next few hours telling coworkers about the meeting.

It took me three hours to become aware of my own whining. Although I wasn’t speaking in the familiar whiner-voice, I was indeed whining. My dissatisfaction had collided directly with hopelessness and I reasoned that “talking it through” with others would help me feel better. It did not.

A consciously-approached and cautiously-used complaint is sometimes good medicine for a bad situation. Complaining, used sparingly, can help alleviate negative emotions and allow you to return to a more calm and centered state of being. But we’ve forgotten the usefulness of dropping the complaint after it’s made. Instead of moving on and focusing on new opportunities, our egos become involved and want to make sure we don’t repeat the same negative situation again. At the same time, the ego wants sympathy for its perceived pain and suffering and justifies continued complaining as a way of reaching out to others for help.

Spending too much time complaining prevents us from seeing the forest for the trees. The conscious mind, then completely acclimated to complaint without positive result, equates life as a series of problems and challenges that can’t be solved. Unconsciously, we focus our attention on both our problems and the hopeless feelings and, in turn, create more of the same. The continued focus activates law of attraction and manifests more and more things to complain and whine about.

The good news is that whine-about syndrome can be cured or at least brought to manageable levels. First and foremost, it takes awareness to see whining and complaining in action. In my own example above, it took me several hours to understand that the conversations I had with coworkers were actually forms of whining.

After you’re aware of your verbal statements and thoughts, it’s important to evaluate the perceived payoff for your complaints. That is, what do you think you’re getting out of whining? Again in my own example, I justified that I was just “getting things off my chest” or processing how I felt. In short, I was simply whining. I was attempting to get others to see things the way my ego saw them—in a very limited fashion. This attempt at sympathy was only a ploy my ego used to justify what I had created.

It’s imperative to turn your consciousness in a different direction after you’ve identified whining. You must purposely pivot and find something else to concentrate on: make a gratitude list; go for a walk and look for things that are pleasing; listen to music; or, meditate. This can be hard work but the payoff is relief from whine-about syndrome and a return to a balanced state of being.

Concentrate also on ways to combat the hopelessness you feel when you whine. Realize that you form your own reality through the active process of directing your beliefs, thoughts and emotions and then make a conscious decision to change them. A situation is only hopeless when you believe it is, so start with basic core beliefs about your own inherent power and worth.

Finally, make a pledge to yourself not to whine. It takes willpower not to talk to others about your problems. You must break the cycle of whining in order to cut its power and redirect it in a positive direction. Every time you catch yourself trying to get buy-in from others about a negative situation, remind yourself of your pledge and vow to change to a more positive outlook. Your spirit will thank you in the morning.