“I am where I am and where I am is okay sucks.”
That was my response in an email to a friend who asked how my week was going. I hated writing such a negative reply, but at the time it seemed an accurate assessment of my life. I didn’t think I was negatively projecting into the future or focusing on bad things in the past. I believed I was focused squarely on the present and in that particular moment, I wasn’t happy. I was fighting what “is.”
When we argue with, disapprove or ruminate about what we are experiencing at any moment, we’re fighting what “is.” Sometimes it’s only natural, as there are genuinely difficult things we experience in our lives. A perfectly natural thought process, however, causes the tension we feel in these moments: comparing.
Feeling badly in most situations arises when we compare our “is” with what we either want to happen or wish didn’t happen. How many times do you catch yourself with these kinds of thoughts?
• I’m not as far along in my career as I hoped I would be at this age.
• I can’t believe he didn’t return my call.
• I wish I didn’t have all of this debt.
• I really want that job; I hope I get it.
• I can’t believe this is happening to me.
When you fight what “is,” you are resisting the present moment and robbing yourself of the ability to use conscious creation to move in a different direction. As I looked back on the email I sent to my friend, I realized I was using my present experience as an excuse for feeling bad. I was stuck.
What makes “is”?
It’s important to remember where the present moment comes from. As I talk about constantly in this blog, the present moment is created by you as a result of your thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Therefore, right now, you have created your present moment—good or bad. Even those events that seem to be caused by other people or circumstances are still attracted by you.
To people new to conscious creation, that’s a tough concept. And if you’ve created something you don’t like, it’s tempting to get angry with yourself for having done so. The good news is that accepting yourself as the creator of your experience gives you the chance to do something about it.
Too often we want to blame other people, God, or circumstances beyond our control for our misfortunes. If we go that route, we’re also relying on those same external sources to change in order to feel better. Why not take control and do something about it yourself?
What “is” is transitory
The present moment is just that, a moment. It’s a slice of time in the way we perceive time. Nothing stays static. Right now your body is regulating your breathing, your blood pressure, and moving your eyes across the screen. Our perception of time gets in the way when we project our current “now” into the future, even if that future is two minutes away. Believing that your current situation is permanent is a sure-fire way to keep yourself stuck and keep fighting what “is.”
Changing what “is”
Acceptance
First and foremost, when you find yourself fighting your reality, is a step that’s hard to take: acceptance. Accepting reality at face value, good or bad, is taking responsibility for yourself and your life. It’s your proclamation to the world: “this is how it is at this moment and I accept that. I accept that I played a part in creating this and now I’m going to play a part in changing it.”
When you deny your experience, you are creating negative energy around it. The energy gets stuck and begins to mount. Accepting what “is” releases the tension you feel.
I saw a perfect example of acceptance this past week. On June 26, 2012, the town of Colorado Springs, CO, saw one of the most devastating fires in the state’s history. In a matter of four hours, almost 300 people lost their homes. After the fire was under control, the media followed residents back into their neighborhoods to survey the damage. One man arrived at his house to find only a patio umbrella and chair standing; the rest of his home was completely destroyed. His response to a reporter: “It happened, I can’t change that. A fire destroyed my home and I’ll rebuild.”
His response was completely different than many of the other residents that couldn’t go home that day. The phrase, “I can’t believe this happened,” was spoken more times than I could count as I watched the coverage. Of course, no one would blame these people for their disbelief. Tragedy short-circuits the conscious mind.
When you don’t accept the present moment or don’t accept “reality” as it’s perceived in the moment, you can’t take responsibility for changing it. When you continue to judge it and compare it to how you want it to be, you’re closing off yourself to the very energy that’s available to help you start moving.
Accepting your feelings
Accepting the present moment doesn’t mean denying your feelings about it. It’s healthy to feel exactly what your body and your psyche tell you. Allowing your emotions lets you clear them from your system. Like the present moment, emotions are transitory and when you give them their space, they’ll move through you and change.
Stop believing things won’t change (it’s not true)
This is a hard one for me. At times my mind is three steps ahead of myself. With any thought of how things can change for the better, my intellect can just as quickly come up with reasons why they won’t. It is a choice to believe things will get better; it is not a choice for things to change. We are always in a process of becoming, so gently focusing on the fact that things will change is a step in the right direction.
Make comparisons work for you
Judging the present moment against the future, the past or an ideal model is where we begin to feel resistance. So does that mean we should give up on ideals? Not at all. When you start to feel resistance in the present moment, it’s time to become more specific with your comparisons.
If you decide to think about the past, do so with a new set of glasses. Purposely try to look for positive things that have happened. Instead of thinking about a crowded job market after losing a job, think: I found a new job just when I needed it a few years ago. Focus on your successes in the past—whatever they are. The realization that you’ve had success primes you for success in the future.
If you’re looking toward the future and find yourself comparing your “now” (or “is”) with an ideal model, realize that the model is just that—a model. It’s an outline of where you want to be. In this particular moment, you’re not there yet. Just because you’re not there yet doesn’t mean that where you are is wrong. There are many paths to the future.
These suggestions at times seem futile. When you’re really stuck in a negative situation, it feels almost impossible to do anything but wallow in your own self-pity. And at times, that’s perfectly acceptable. If, however, after a period of time your thoughts and emotions don’t start to change on their own, it’s time for you to step in and consciously choose a new path. It can be done.
With conscious creation and a little practice, your “what is” can indeed become wonderful.
Are you letting others see the real you? We’re constantly presented with messages to conform: wear this and you’ll be popular; buy this and you’ll have friends; act this way and you’ll be rich! The messages are everywhere, from television to social media to our friends and family. And as we slowly give those voices credence, we lose a bit of ourselves in the process. When we allow ourselves to be covered up–physically and mentally–with everyone else’s ideals and standards, our own uniqueness starts to fade.
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