OS:You

Now is the right time to upgrade your personal operating system

Every few years, the big guns in the computer world (read: Microsoft, Apple, Droid), come out with new operating systems (OS)—the software that runs your computer, phone, tablet, or mobile device. As technology advances, changes to the operating system are necessary to help your computer work better and more efficiently. Running primarily in the background, the operating system is the “brains” of your computer or device—processing information and directing all the pieces of the computer, hardware and software, to communicate efficiently.

You, personally, have an operating system, too—albeit a bit more complicated and sophisticated than anything you can buy in the store. Your operating system allows you to operate in the physical world. It controls a large part of your existence, everything from helping you digest food to make the decision to buy a new home. Your personal operating system works within the larger framework of the universe’s operating system—an even bigger and more complicated mechanism that creates life as we know it.

Your personal operating system is built and maintained by you, not by some really smart computer programmer in an office in silicone valley. Your system is tailor-designed for your hardware (your body) and for the software you use every day (your daily choices). Your personal OS feeds information to both your conscious mind and body as well as to that giant universal computer that generates the results you seek.

Computer programming 101

Operating systems are designed primarily around a simple concept: the “if: then” principle. If a certain outcome or action is desired, the OS directs the various parts of the computer to make it happen. If you want to open your email program, then the computer executes the request and finds the computer code that opens the program. The same applies to your own system.

Let’s use an example: if you want to find a new job, then your operating system begins to execute a series of operations. It helps activate your brain to begin thinking of ways to look for a job, reminding you to look in the want ads or to update your resume. It also activates your emotional network. How do you feel about looking for a new job? Are you scared? Excited? Dreadful? Beyond the self that you know, your operating system is also sending information out into the universe that lines up all of the chance encounters and incomprehensible actions that put you in a position to see announcement for that new job.

You don’t need to take a computer-programming class to upgrade your own operating system. You simply need to become aware of how your operating system is created. Then, you can make changes that allow it to work better and better for you and your goals.

Your operating system, because it is so unique and developed just for you, is built upon your personal beliefs and assumptions. Some of these assumptions you acquired during your youth, most likely from your parents. Other beliefs and assumptions you have made yourself based on your life experience. The tricky part with these assumptions is that once they’re initially made and subsequently reinforced daily, they begin to operate in the background (we aren’t aware that the operating system is responsible for directing other parts of our lives).

These assumptions are also strengthened with the addition of emotions. Strong emotion quickly solidifies beliefs.

I’ll give a personal example. I grew up never playing card games; it was something we just didn’t do in my family. When I was a teenager, some friends asked if I wanted to play poker (you can already see where this is going). I listened as they explained how to play the game as well as the rules. I didn’t quite intellectually get it, but played anyway. I lost big. In fact, I lost so badly that they made fun of me for weeks afterword. I felt humiliated.

In that moment reinforced with emotion, I developed a belief about my poker playing ability. Since I didn’t examine the belief, it has since become an even bigger assumption. The belief (I’m a bad poker player) is now an assumption (I’m bad at all card games).

This example should show you why it’s important to identify and know your beliefs, assumptions and expectations. Your beliefs program your personal operating system and thusly, run the show. Your assumptions about yourself and the world affect the way the universe responds to you and helps form the life that you experience.

Why some software doesn’t work with your OS

Many people, when faced with a less-than-desirable situation, whether it’s a chronic health condition, bad finances, unfulfilling relationships or personal dissatisfaction, attempt to change conditions by adding what we could call “new software.”

This software, using computer terminology, comes in the form of the many methods available to help you change your life: things like “Affirmations 2.0” software or the ever-popular “Positive Thinking App.” These additions are great in and of themselves, but unless you address the underlying directions you give to yourself and the universe, they aren’t as effective.

These methods are a great adjunct to—and reinforcement of—the work of the personal operating system. Positive thinking and affirmations work so much better when you address the underlying mechanisms that allow them to work and that happens through re-programming your personal operating system.

How to program your operating system

Unfortunately, you can’t just go to the store and buy a new personal operating system. To upgrade your OS, you need to think like a computer programmer and consciously choose a new set of directives that will govern your life and the “if: then” instructions to the universe.

In other words, you must consciously choose a new set of assumptions that allow you get more out of your life and the universe. The new conscious directives you desire come about through a change in your conscious beliefs, which over time will become unconscious and work in the background on your behalf.

This is no quick task. It does require some soul-searching and conscious evaluation of your life. To upgrade your life experience, you need to become aware of the things that are working and the things that aren’t working and recognize the beliefs and assumptions that make those things possible. While this is an intensely personal process, there are some basic assumptions that you can start to include in your “OS:You” upgrade.

New assumptions to consider

If you find dissatisfaction in your experience (in whatever areas you identify: money, relationships, health, overall life), try consciously inserting some of these new assumptions about yourself and the universe:

You program your life through your active thoughts. If you accept this premise, then you are already starting a fulfilling journey. Once you accept the fact that your thoughts direct your experience, you can begin to purposely change your thoughts to better suit your desired outcomes. This simple act gives you power. It puts you in charge. One note to keep in mind: some people argue that it’s our “subconscious” thoughts that cause experience. But for purposes of this reprogramming exercise, realize that “subconscious” simply means you haven’t actively and knowingly analyzed your thoughts. Those thoughts are there and available if you look for them.

When you take responsibility for your thinking, you can no longer blame others or the universe for delivering unwanted experiences.

All of creation—all of it—happens in the “now.” This is a hard concept to understand and certainly there are some great teachers on the subject, such as the Seth Material/Jane Roberts and Eckhart Tolle. So for this quick tutorial, take the statement as truth and realize that the present moment is the only time you have to make changes in your life. Your thinking is always in the present moment even if you’re thinking about your past or imagining your future. Once you realize that thought and creation happens in the “now,” you can see the importance of addressing any sloppy thinking right here, right now. There’s no time like the present because there isn’t any other time. Stop telling yourself, “I’ll work on my thoughts tomorrow,” because that’s the situation you’ll keep recreating for yourself.

The physical world always gives you the chance to evaluate your programming. This statement is based on the first point above, that you form your world with your thoughts and assumptions. When you accept the truth of that statement, the world becomes one giant mirror, reflecting your thoughts and assumptions back to you. This is one of the best features of your new OS, because it allows you to shift and change your thinking at any time. It’s like hitting “spell check” on your word processor and seeing if there are any details you need to correct.

If you like what the physical world reflects to you, congratulations! You’re on the right track. But if you’re not pleased with the reflection of the world, you now know that you have the ability to change your experience by adjusting your thoughts and expectations. Since this process is constant, you always have the ability to check your results.

Change is a constant and necessary part of existence. No matter what we think to the contrary, things don’t really ever stay the same. They may, at times, appear the same to us, but nothing in this world is static. Because creation happens in the “now,” our universe is in a constant state of change. That constant change is what drives the universe; it is the ingredient that allows for expansion and growth. Why should you care? Because when you realize that nothing stays the same, you always have a new opportunity to change things as you see fit. Even if you like the direction your life is headed, change allows you the chance to make it even better. Conversely, that constant change means you don’t have to stay stuck in an existence that isn’t fulfilling.

You are always safe. This is a hard pill to swallow, I admit. It’s only been through a thorough education in the concept by teachers such as Seth and Lynda Madden Dahl* that I’ve come to believe and appreciate this idea. In terms of your personal operating system, this is a new, necessary component to install. Remember, your personal operating system is giving directives to the universe and to yourself in the way you want to experience physical reality. So if you take it on faith that you are always safe and always protected, then that is what the universe will respond to. Decisions based on the assumption of safety yield much more beneficial results than those based on fear. It may take some time to change this belief/assumption about the universe, but it’s imperative that you try.

Everything is always working out for you. “Yeah, right.” I can hear your response to this one. “Tell that to my spouse who just lost her job,” you tell me. “Or to my friend who was just diagnosed with cancer.” I understand this is another one of those New Age concepts that only seems truthful to the chronically happy. But there is truth to the statement. The universe, God, your inner self…all of these forces are working on your behalf. These forces are always leading you to your greatest development. So when you base your thoughts and actions on the assumption that everything is always working out for you, you are able to see your growth clearly. It’s only when you assume that things aren’t working out for you that growth and fulfillment seem like a pipedream.

When things aren’t to your liking, or when life seems to deal you a tough blow, it’s there to lead you in a new direction. If you’ve integrated the assumptions above, you’ll remember that (a) you direct your experience and (b) creation happens in the present moment and (c) the world will reflect your thoughts/actions back to you. Don’t beat yourself up for having created something unwanted. Instead, see it as a signpost, one that reminds you to change course. Then realize you have the option of adjusting your thoughts and beliefs to form new assumptions that are more fulfilling.

Personalize it

Your personal operating system is just that—personal. It took time for you to develop the old version and it will take some time to write your new and improved version. And as noted above, it is always in a state of change. So as you learn to work on and with your operating system, be on the lookout for assumptions that need addressing. If you’re not happy with your finances, look to the underlying assumptions you have about money and then write some new ones. If you aren’t lucky in love, check your thoughts and beliefs about love and your ability to attract a partner and write some new, positive assumptive beliefs.

The more you work on your personal operating system, the better it performs. Upgrade now.

*If you’re interested in learning more about the safe universe concept, I highly recommend two books. First, “A Seth Book, The Personal Sessions, Book Three of the Deleted Seth Material,” by Seth/Jane Roberts and “Living a Safe Universe Vol. I and II” by Lynda Madden Dahl.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Learning to tap dance

Shirley Temple was onto something. That perky little girl in old black and white movies always looked at life in a positive manner and found reason after reason to tap dance her way through any difficulty.

No, I’m not going to put on patent leather shoes and do a little jig across the living room floor.  I’m not that coordinated…or perky.

I will, however, sing the praises of a self-development tool called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), commonly known as “tapping.” The technique is used for releasing emotional traumas and negative/limiting beliefs as well as for intercepting physical and emotional pain. It looks silly and a lot of times it feels silly to do it, but in many cases, it works. I’ll explain the process shortly.

I learned about tapping years ago when I saw a YouTube video about the process. The video host, Jessica Ortner, promised it could help things like headaches, tension, stress and a host of other ailments. At the time, I was engrossed in researching any type of self-development tool on the market and I learned the basics through websites and a few free videos.

Like many self-development tools, you only get out of the process what you put into it, and I wasn’t really feeling too anxious about anything in particular. So I tapped a few times, labeled the process as “interesting” and filed it away in the back of my brain. There it sat with other things I have tried over the years, including meditation, the Sedona Technique, yoga, and other spiritual/development processes that promise self-fulfillment and peace.

Fast forward to last week, when I was feeling more stressed than I had in years. Work was out-of-this-world crazy and busy, my home life was distressing thanks to a bad roommate situation and my dog was just home from surgery and needing to recover. I was angry at the world and angry with myself and felt like I had no refuge in which to hide.

For the previous few weeks, I turned to medicine to relieve my stress. Painkillers and muscle relaxants helped ease the physical stress in my body but the effectiveness was quickly wearing off. I was also not sleeping without the use of some pretty heavy-duty sleeping pills–something that worried me. So when I found myself sleep deprived, anxious and tense, I knew something was going to give.

Monday, I reached my limit. I snapped at coworkers and yelled at my best friend (my little dog, Bloo). Muscles in my back started to spasm and I could barely turn my neck from side to side. Knowing I still had work to do that night that would require concentration, I knew I couldn’t medicate myself into oblivion so I started thinking about alternative ways to get me back on my feet.

That’s when tapping/EFT came to mind. I had recently recommended the process to an acquaintance who complained of migraine headaches but I had otherwise not thought about using EFT on myself. Remembering the simplicity of EFT, I sat down on the couch and started tapping.

The technique

The premise to EFT/tapping is simple. You think about—out loud—something that’s bothering you and begin tapping the pads of your fingers on specific points on your head, neck and torso. The points correspond to meridian points used for centuries in Chinese medicine and acupuncture. Meridian points are considered “energy centers” where the body stores and regulates the pulses of electricity that make up our universe (the “life force” of our physical universe).

As you begin tapping rhythmically on these meridian points, you send signals to your brain and body to relax. The body calms and energy starts flowing normally through your system. As I noted, it’s not too unlike acupuncture but without the needles. The process begins with a set-up statement, where you acknowledge the problem before you as well as a reminder that you “accept yourself deeply and completely.” After the set-up statement, you tap through the points on your head, working your way down the body as you talk about the problem aloud.

When I began tapping, I was reminded of the silliness of the process. It feels weird to do it the first few times, although I remembered easily the meridian points and the process itself. Wanting anything that might give me relief, I tapped through several rounds on my most pressing issues.

Those several rounds turned into over an hour of work. I tapped on feeling overwhelmed at work, I tapped on the stress with my roommate, I tapped on the feeling of helplessness I felt for my recovering puppy. After every few rounds of tapping, I checked the effectiveness of the session, using a 0-10 scale of intensity to see if I was making progress. I was.

I kept at it for almost two hours, with a few breaks thrown in for good measure. And in the end, I was…tired. I had reduced my stress to a “0” or “1” on most issues and I felt an ease and comfort in my body that I hadn’t felt in quite a while. My body had released a great amount of tension and I felt free. I was also sleepy and decided to jump into bed and capitalize on the feeling. That night, I slept eight solid hours without a sleeping pill or Advil and woke up feeling great.

As luck would have it, or more accurately as Law of Attraction would have it, the next day I saw an advertisement for a new book on tapping from Nick Ortner, one of the big names in EFT/tapping. His book, The Tapping Solution, had just been published that week and I noted the synchronicity. The Tapping Solution is an excellent introduction to the modality of tapping and takes the reader through the common uses for tapping as well as provides sample scripts to read while banging away at the head and chest.

Going deeper

While I had great success the first night of using tapping, my next attempt wasn’t so fruitful. I tried to tap on recurring issues that were bothersome but not intense, and felt like I wasn’t making any headway. Using guidance from Ortner, I pressed on and continued to look for the root causes of my stress and the beliefs behind them.

The Tapping Solution is a great resource for anyone studying conscious creation. The precepts are the same: identify limiting beliefs you may hold and either release them or change them into positive beliefs. At the same time, you can learn to let go of emotions, memories and blockages that keep you from feeling healthy, centered and strong.

On the second night of tapping, I began to develop a throbbing muscle spasm in the middle of my back. I tried a round of tapping with a general focus on the spasm itself as well as the pain it was causing. After 15 minutes, the pain was still there and the muscle would not relax. So, I tapped on my frustration that tapping wasn’t working and that I’d be stuck with this ailment for quite a while. Again, there was little relief.

Intuitively, I knew that I wasn’t going deep enough. I believed my emotions and thoughts were causing the back pain but I couldn’t seem to connect with the right emotion, belief or memory that was causing the tension. I took a break and let my subconscious play with the thought while I brushed my teeth. That’s when I had my mini “ah ha” moment. The pain had started a few days earlier when I took the dog to the vet.

My first reaction was that the spasm was simply a pulled muscle, caused by lifting the 113 lb. dog into the back of my truck. A pesky little voice inside my head said there was more too it, however.

I sat down and tapped again. This time, I focused on my feelings about the dog, noting sadness about him having surgery and a feeling of fear about the diagnosis. I also became conscious of a helpless feeling, not knowing exactly how I was going to keep him well during his recovery.

I consciously and slowly tapped through all of these feelings, checking every few minutes for improvement in my back. On the last round, I tapped on the feeling of guilt. I felt guilty for him not being able to run and play while he healed and wondered if I was giving myself sympathy pain, constricting my own movement in a show of sympathy. I tapped one more round when I felt the shift.

Just like that, the muscle relaxed. I felt the pain go from an “8” to a “0” in just under two minutes. I had found the “in” I was looking for.

It’s not a sweet trip to the candy shop, it’s hard work

Much of Ortner’s book sounds like an infomercial for EFT/tapping. Story after story of successful EFT experiences sounds impressive until you reach a roadblock in your own development. Still, there are a lot of scientific and medical studies to back-up the claims on EFT and thousands of satisfied customers who have used tapping to move through tough issues and physical challenges.

As he explains in the book, tapping is best used consistently and thoroughly. Ortner lays out questions to ask yourself about a myriad of subjects including health, relationships, finances, phobias, trauma and more. This is where the real work begins. After identifying symptoms, emotions, memories and beliefs, you tap on each area until you feel relief.

Sometimes there are great shifts in energy—such as my back relaxing—and sometimes it’s a more subtle energy shift that takes a few days to recognize.

For example, I worked specifically on my neck pain for several days. I attributed the problem to a lack of sleep and poor sleep habits but knew deep down that the culprits were more likely to be emotional congestion and limiting beliefs. Round after round, I tapped on many pressing issues related to work and home life and after a few days, I was able to turn my head in all directions and the pain started to subside.

In the past several days, I’ve started digging deeper into my own psyche, taking notebook in hand to write down my beliefs about different challenges including finances, relationships, work, motivation and finally a resistance to change.

The tapping continues.

Is tapping a cure-all for every problem you encounter? Probably not. But it is an effective tool to have in your self-development arsenal if you’re truly dedicated to bettering your life. And if all else fails, you can put on those patent leather shoes and dance around the living room. Couldn’t hurt, could it?

Resources

For a general introduction to tapping, including a short video on the meridian points, visit Nick Ortner’s website.

In this YouTube video, you can see Nick Ortner work with the queen of self-help, Louise Hay, as she taps on a childhood memory. I was particularly taken with this video as it shows that even the most pioneering self-help guru can still be held back with emotional and physical pain. This is one of those rare therapy moments where you can actually witness someone transforming her life in real time. 

Brad Yates is an EFT/Tapping coach who works with athletes, children and everyday clients to help them overcome emotional and physical challenges. His YouTube channel has a host of videos to get you started on basic tapping scripts.

You can get The Tapping Solution at national booksellers including Amazon, Barnes & Noble & Hay House

Disclosure:

Although I frequently review books as part of the Hay House Book Nook program, I purchased a copy of The Tapping Solution myself. I was not compensated in any way for this endorsement in my blog.

The thermostat of your soul

Your vibrational set point

It’s one of those days. You know the kind: when you wake up and from the get-go things just aren’t quite right. You try to brush off the feeling at first, assigning it to the “I woke up on the wrong side of the bed” category. You trudge on through your morning only to be bombarded by unexpected interruptions, negative emails and rude people wherever you turn.

We typically turn our heads to the universe in times like this and wonder aloud, “What the hell did I do to deserve this?” We look to reasons outside ourselves to understand why we are having these experiences. In essence, we’ve resigned ourselves to being victims of an uncaring universe.

The universe isn’t playing tricks on us. It’s giving us exactly what we’ve asked for, even if we’re not aware of it in the moment. The universe is reacting to our own energy field, utilizing the law of attraction to bring us more of what we’re putting out. And on a bad day, we’re giving out a lot of bad energy.

The universe responds to our Vibrational Set Point—the overall frequency of the energy present in our bodies and souls at any given time. That energy fluctuates throughout the day and throughout the week, but in totality, we tend to set a range of vibration that affects most of the things we experience.

Where does our energy come from?

Our outgoing energy comes in the form of thoughts and emotions. Each thought we have has an electromagnetic quality to it; the same holds true for emotions. And in the most basic of terms, the energy of our thoughts and emotions has a particular “weight” or “density” to it. Certain strong emotions and particular thoughts can have either a light or heavy density. Extreme anger, for example, has heavy density to it. Love, on the other hand, very light.

If science isn’t your thing, simply remember this: energy works on the premise of the law of attraction. So energy that you radiate goes out into the universe and seeks out similar types of energy. That energy comes back to you in the form of experience—situations and people that are carrying the same kind of energy.

Now, under normal circumstances, our thoughts and emotions tend to self-correct. That is, they ebb and flow through our awareness without much effort—the way it should be. People often get worried about their own negative thoughts or “bad” emotions, such as anger, sadness or jealousy. There is no general need for concern. Allowing emotions some freedom helps them move through the body and the mind quickly and (relatively) easily. So what trips us up?

The ego and energy

As is the usual case in self-development, the ego can really cause problems. When the ego tries to control thought and emotion, it acts like a damn, catching energy and holding it back until pressure begins to build. As this energy is pooled around us, it gets bigger and denser until we have a hard time clearing it. And when dense energy (read: negative thoughts or unwanted emotions) says with us, we continue to attract bad things into our lives.

Don’t blame the ego, per se. It feels as if it’s doing its duty by reminding us of how reality really is. It tries hard, really it does. Unfortunately, the ego’s reality is based solely on what it observes from the immediate environment. Sometimes it asks for help from the intellect, which tries to apply reasoning to explain why the world operates the way it does. This is a false premise and it’s where we get in trouble.

Let me give an example to illustrate this better. This morning, I received an email from a co-worker that set me off. Before I could even finish reading it, my blood started to boil and I was thinking of ways to respond, none of which were appropriate. I caught myself at first, trying to put the email out of my mind while I ate breakfast and got ready for the day. It didn’t work.

My ego became involved early in this case. I took the information in the email personally; I felt I was being wrongly blamed for a failed work project. Since the ego wants to protect the self (me), it took the information on face value. Certainly, the ego reasoned, the email was aimed specifically at me and I had better start preparing an appropriate response to it. In English terms, the ego said, “How dare she?!? How are we going to fight this?” The ego wouldn’t let my conscious mind look for contrary evidence; it had already made up its mind who was at fault.

Despite my best efforts to forget the whole thing, even for a few moments, my mind wandered back to the email repeatedly and I would get angry all over again. Once the ego got involved, it was almost impossible to let go of the thoughts and related emotions. It’s pretty easy to see what’s happening at this point: the ego was damming up negative energy and it was growing bigger and bigger by the minute.

As the day progressed, things just got worse. I found myself attracting negativity wherever I went. The line at the coffee shop was out the door; drivers were rude on the street; some jerk almost hit my car when he was parking next to me. The list went on and on. My overall energy had fallen into a dangerous zone and I was attracting more of the same (remember the law of attraction?) wherever I went.

Back to your Vibrational Set Point

We tend to only think about our own Vibrational Set Point when we’re dealing with so-called negative emotions and for good reason. It’s uncomfortable. It brings bad things into our lives. But the same holds true for the opposite. A higher Vibrational Set Point can also bring things into our lives, such as love, abundance, happiness, joy and serenity.

On an average day, your Vibrational Set Point will usually be set to a range that works best for you. Are you generally a happy person? Are you frequently sad? Are you prone to anger or jealousy? Or my personal favorite: are you always sarcastic? We each have tendencies that feed overall into our energy field. As we have experiences such as my bad day above, we move the needle of our Vibrational Set Point, inching it closer to negativity or positivity.

Your Vibrational Set Point sets the stage for future experiences. It’s important to remember that so that you can learn to attract what you want instead of what you don’t.

It’s a moment-by-moment job

So if the goal is to have a Vibrational Set Point that’s at the higher end of the scale, i.e. in the range of positivity and love, how do we get there? It starts with becoming aware of your thoughts, emotions and energy at multiple points throughout the day. And when you find yourself moving down the scale, it’s time for action.

As I said earlier, thoughts and emotions naturally move through the mind and body. Left alone, a good percentage of your thoughts and intense emotions will probably pass in a moment’s time. It’s when those thoughts and emotions get stuck that you’ll want to take notice.

If you find yourself ego-obsessed with a negative thought or emotion, rouse your consciousness to do something about it. This takes work and practice. It takes a commitment to self-development. I won’t lie to you: it can be hard. I spent the better part of the day purposely trying to change my Vibrational Set Point. After many attempts, I was finally able to pull my ego out and allow my vibration to rise.

On the other hand, if you find yourself dwelling on happy feelings and reliving say a wonderful call from a friend, stay with it. Look for other things that match the vibration, like petting your dog or taking a moment to appreciate the sunset. Enjoy the feeling; revel in it. Ride it like a wave.

Becoming aware of ego-bound thoughts and emotions is the first step in changing them. Sometimes, it may seem impossible to move higher up the scale when you’re faced with a difficult thought or emotion. Realize this is where you’re stuck and remind yourself that staying stuck will only bring you more of the same. This is the all-important “choice point.” You can stay stuck or you can move out of it. Be brave and set your intention to re-set your system.

Reality Challenge

To help become aware of your Vibrational Set Point and understand how it forms your future experiences, take the next two days to examine what you’re thinking and feeling. Combine this with short journal entries so you remember what you were doing at the time. Simply note how you’re feeling and where your mind is. For example:

Time               Activity           Thoughts                                            Emotions

12:15 p.m.      Gardening      Dreaming of new garden ideas       Good; happy; excited

3:00 p.m.        Lunch             Enjoying Mary’s company                Content

5:00 p.m.        Phone call      Repetitive thoughts about project  Angry, consumed

Try this exercise for two days. This way you can begin to see what kind of energy you are attracting to yourself. Of course, if you’re having a day like I did today, it will be pretty easy to see how a change in vibration can add up to a whole different day. If you find yourself becoming ego-bound in negative thought or emotion, stop and see if you can change course. Distract yourself, pamper yourself, do whatever it takes. If nothing else, realize you have a choice in how you feel and respond and then let it go.

With awareness and practice, you can learn to change your Vibrational Set Point. Learning to adjust your vibrational thermostat to a higher frequency will not only change your attitude but your future as well.

Keeping your accomplishments to yourself

With the stroke of a paintbrush, I transformed 60 years of scuffs, dirt and memories into a fresh, beautiful new wall. It was the last project on my weekend home improvement list but instead of being proud of my painting effort, I quickly realized it was my thoughts that needed improvement.

As I examined the freshly painted wall, the first thought that popped into my head wasn’t congratulatory nor affirming. Instead, I stood there and said out loud, “who’s going to care?”  The hallway I painted leads back to my utility room, not exactly the most used room in the house. Sure I walk through the hallway each time I do laundry, but I barely notice the walls themselves. I realized that I may be the only person to ever notice the improvement.

That comment got me thinking: why was I upset that no one would see my handiwork? Couldn’t I just be pleased with myself for painting a wall that desperately needed some attention? The concept grew further in my mind: why do we do most of the things we do? Do we do them for ourselves? For others? For acknowledgement and praise from our friends and family?

Why is it difficult to do something just for your own pleasure?

In the age of social media, it’s very easy to tout your efforts to the universe. Every day, Facebook is full of people talking about their accomplishments: “I went to the gym for 45 minutes!” “I stopped and helped a stranger change a tire.” “I cooked a fantastic dinner!” The posts are endless as is the need for affirmation. We have become addicted to the praise we receive from others when we do something—out of the ordinary or not.

Acknowledgement from others is a powerful lure. It feels good to be recognized for your good efforts and hard work. It is a great feeling to know that others appreciate you—you feel valued, loved and special. Yet there is something missing from this equation.

We have forgotten the importance of affirming the self. We’ve traded in our own sense of self-value for that of the external world and it’s time we take it back.

Self-affirmation means more than trusting yourself and your journey in life. It also means taking pleasure and joy out of everything you do. When you find fulfillment in your own actions, you automatically broadcast those good vibes out into the universe. This need not mean letting others know about your accomplishments; instead, it’s creating a feeling of pride in yourself, knowing that your own acknowledgement is enough.

As you begin to trust yourself and take stock in your actions, you begin building a solid psychic foundation. That foundation is energetically positive and works with the law of attraction to bring you more of the same. You find additional things to be proud of; you see yourself as the director of your life. And as you beam positive energy, you’ll automatically get praise from others.

Take the challenge

Building self-affirmation is best done on a consistent and small basis. Each day, look for things that you can be proud of, whether it’s a big project at work or pulling weeds for an elderly neighbor. Then, watch your thoughts like a hawk. Are you wanting to tell the world about your actions? Do you automatically reach for your smart phone to post your accomplishment on Twitter? If you catch yourself in these situations, stop and reflect for a moment. Give yourself inward praise first. Smile and bask in your own acknowledgement. Feel the sensation of pride in your body and let it radiate outward.

Let that praise be enough. Give yourself permission to keep your acknowledgement secret from the rest of the world. You can post something else to Facebook later in the day. In that moment, you’re building trust with your inner self. And as you do this more and more, that connection grows stronger each step of the way. Pretty soon you’ll be beaming with self-affirmation and positivity and others will be sure to notice…and comment.

As for me, I’m going to sit quietly in the hallway and admire my painting. Even if no one else ever sees it, I’ll know I’m proud of myself. And, that can be enough for now.

For the Sender (Book Review)

Editor’s note: From time to time I will review books related to conscious creation, self-development, law of attraction and other subjects of interest to my readers. I’ll note when the book was purchased by myself or obtained as a free review copy from the publisher.

Thankfully, some people still write letters

Cover art of “For the Sender.”

And others turn them into music for your soul.

A good book resonates with your heart. Good music resonates with your soul. So what happens when a talented songwriter pens a memoir? You’re taken one step closer to understanding life.

That may sound a little over the top, but the pure emotion that flows from Alex Woodard’s For the Sender can hardly be contained within its small size. The short book and accompanying CD tap into rich veins of creativity, sorrow, pride, despair, and most of all, love. Woodard’s songwriting background brings a richness to his writing that allows us the honor of feeling our way through the story of his life, reveling in his accomplishments and crying with his tragedies.

In fact, it only took me 14 pages into the book before I finally had to give in and get a box of Kleenex. Woodard’s life story and the letters of inspiration he used to write the book are both emotionally wrenching and life giving at the same time. The song lyrics he includes aren’t just poetic, they’re cathartic, helping move the reader through the sometimes-painful memories each song unearths.

Since the universe is always on our side, it’s easy for me to see why this particular book made its way to me at this time in my life. Within the first few pages, I was hooked into Woodard’s storyline, feeling my own life mirrored in his discontent of dreaming for a better life for himself. While I’m not an aspiring songwriter or musician, I think he adequately captures the denseness of living a life that isn’t quite fulfilling.

“These cold realities of the music business slowly begin to creep under my skin and some nights, as I lay alone in bed, I weave a make-believe coat of dreams as protection to keep me warm: dreams of ‘making it,’ dreams of having somebody to grow old with, dreams of little feet on hardwood floors. That imaginary coat of protection keeps the cold out, but it also keeps most of myself hidden from anybody else,” he writes.

That metaphor creeps in and out of the storyline as Woodard takes us back a few years so we can understand his own state of mind as he learns to let go of the life he thought he should be living and accept the life he has.

The storyline

For the Sender is more than Woodard’s life story. It’s a story of how he came to accept and understand his life by reframing the stories of others through songwriting. Those stories come in the form of four letters he received over a period of several years and the 12 songs that were written from each letter’s inspiration. In all, the letters and songs connect us to Woodard’s life and our own stories, which are as natural as the world can be.

The four letters Woodard received became inspiration for Woodard and some of his musician friends, pushing their creativity to capture the feelings and emotions emanating from the letters’ authors. The letters came from four women, sharing their intensely personal stories:

• Emily, who met her soulmate only to have him pass away. She began writing letters to her lost love and she included one in her letter to Woodard. The grief, despair, hope and acceptance in that letter made a profound impact on the songwriter.
• Woodard and some friends visited a homeless shelter for teens to inspire the kids and in the process became inspired by the center’s director, Kim. The story of her troubled youth and understanding of her own unique gifts is fodder for two songs.
• Alison is a medic who was one of the first responders after the devastating earthquake in Haiti. Her selfless devotion to the people of Haiti and her questioning of the will of God caused Woodard to reflect on his own faith.
• Katelyn was struggling to handle the demands of a newborn when her police officer husband was killed in the line of duty. Her resilience to move on touched Woodward and his friends as they wrote about the circle of life.

Woven throughout the storylines of each letter is Woodard’s reflection on his own life. We see his anguish over the loss of his best friend—a black Labrador named Kona—who died in his lap. His companion was a benchmark for Woodard and his dreams and her death helped clarify where his life was headed. Until he received the first letter from Emily, he had concentrated solely on writing about himself, using songwriting as a form of self-expression and emotional release.

The letters helped Woodard see life through a different filter: that of other people. He realized he could express the raw emotions of others through his songwriting and in the process, solidified his own thoughts and feelings on life and spirituality.

Woodard’s reflection on the letters and his own struggles with life help him understand the shared experiences of everyone on Earth. He understands that the letters are written more for the sender’s benefit than for the receiver. Yet the ideas, emotions, hopes and dreams of the letters are so universal that they can be appreciated by anyone.

Reading For the Sender, I felt privileged to peek into the creative process of Woodard and his friends. Like alchemists, the songwriters sifted through the words of each letter and distilled the bare essence of the sender’s souls. What remains is pure, clear insight into the human condition and a soothing tonic for understanding the world in a new way.

From a self-development perspective, I enjoyed watching Woodard’s growth through the songwriting process and ultimately his own changing consciousness. His understanding of conscious creation comes through as he breaks down his own self-defeating thought processes and begins to understand his role in creating his life.

“Under my breath I tell myself to stay out of the way and trust the process. Lately I’m finding that sometimes what I want isn’t really what I need and the right things seem to happen if I’m patient,” he writes as he begins to see the letters and subsequent songs take on a life of their own.

Ultimately, he realizes that life is best experienced when he drops expectations, when he stops trying to control every detail of his life. That’s a hard concept to process, let alone experience, but he gets there one day while surfing in the Pacific.

“These moments are what my dreams are made of now, more so than all the things I thought I wanted someday. Surfing isn’t about someday. It’s about now. I let go of someday every time I take off on a wave and become more present in the moment. Life is better then, when I’m not thinking about me.”

Who should read this book?

You don’t need to be interested in music or in self-development to find enjoyment in For the Sender. However, anyone with an interest in songwriting, creativity, spirituality or new age concepts will be pleasantly surprised by the storyline of this memoir and especially in the lingering buzz it leaves on the reader.

For the Sender does tug on the heartstrings in a most blatant manner. I attribute this to Woodard’s poetic writing style that eliminates extraneous details in order to focus on the things that matter most to him and the women who penned the letters that inspired his songs. It’s a quick and easy read but is one that is sure to stir your own deep emotions and leave you feeling hopeful for the future.

Details

For the Sender is scheduled for hardcover release on September 18, 2012. A CD of the songs inspired by the letters is included and proceeds generated by the songs from each letter will be donated to a cause of the sender’s choice.

You can watch videos of the songs created from the letters, as well as read the letters themselves, at the book’s website at: http://www.forthesender.com/

FTC Disclosure notice

I received this advanced copy of the book for free from Hay House Publishing for review. The opinion in this review is unbiased and reflects my honest judgment of the product.

Available through

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Chapters.indigo.ca

You CAN fight city hall (without actually fighting): United Breaks Guitars (Book Review)

Editor’s note: From time to time I will be reviewing books related to conscious creation, self-development, law of attraction and other subjects of interest to my readers. I’ll note on each book review if I purchased the book myself or if I obtained a review copy from the publisher.

When a careless United Airlines baggage handler threw musician Dave Carroll’s guitar across the tarmac in March 2008, little did he know he’d strike a chord with millions of air travelers around the world. On that fateful day, Carroll’s guitar would suffer severe damage and set in motion one of the most successful viral music videos to date. That video lead to a global conversation about customer service, social media, self-empowerment and the value of doing the “right thing.”

United Breaks Guitars is the written follow-up to Carroll’s YouTube video and is an intriguing story that will certainly be of interest to anyone involved in customer service, public relations and social media. It is also an excellent example of how applying conscious creation concepts to a challenge can yield fruitful results both in the marketplace and in life.

Background

After Carroll discovered his broken guitar, he spent almost a year trying to get compensation from United Airlines for repairs. At each step, he was turned away, the result of a poor customer service policy that favored United and not its customers. As his frustration mounted, he began searching for ways to share the experience with others that would cause United to take heed.

Rather than turn to legal action, Carroll decided on the one area he knew best: music. He vowed to write a series of songs and make corresponding videos to be placed on YouTube. The first song, “United Breaks Guitars,” was posted on July 6, 2009 and took only days to reach a million viewers, his original goal. In that first week, his message reached around the world and he became sought by media outlets to talk about the experience.

The idea worked, prompting United Airlines to engage him in conversations about the experience and the video. But perhaps more impressively, the United Airlines stock price actually dropped as a result of the video’s success. It’s fair to note that United did finally own up to the mistake, apologize for it and offer compensation for the repairs.

Today, with more than 12 million hits on YouTube, the video trilogy continues to gain steam while Carroll has become a sought-after speaker and consumer advocate. United Breaks Guitars dissects the experience in minute detail and gives readers a chance to understand the circumstances, the musician and the social media phenomenon that resulted from one mishandled piece of luggage.

Overall, this is an excellent account of Dave Carroll’s United experience and is useful for anyone interested in or working in customer service, social media, branding or the music business. It’s a quick, easy read and gives the audience a thorough look into the implications of social media in the marketplace and the ability for one person to truly make a difference. The book, however, may also be of interest to readers familiar with new age concepts.

New Thought Connections

When I saw United Breaks Guitars on the Hay House review website, I was intrigued: why is Hay House—the largest publisher of self-development books—producing a book about business, customer service and social media? I must admit I hadn’t heard of Carroll’s experience prior to seeing the book title, but a quick read of the description convinced me I’d like to learn more. As a public relations/marketing director by day and conscious creator writer by night, the book seemed right up my alley.

The main storyline of UBG is certainly applicable to general business. Parts of the book read like a university textbook on customer service 101 and what can go wrong when businesses don’t take care of their customers. But it’s the understory of UBG that gently leads readers to understand the power one person can bring to the marketplace—and the world—with a good idea and a cause.

Non-confrontation

What’s important to note and what most media accounts of Carroll’s experience omit is the fact that he was not out for revenge against United, quite the opposite. Instead, he was intent on making things right in a way that respected everyone involved. So, when he vowed to write songs and produce videos about the customer service challenge, he was very clear in his goals:

“The success of UBG was not about anger or confrontation,” Carroll writes. “From my perspective, my goal was never to get revenge, but rather to compel United to take responsibility and to see that hurting their customers is damaging to their own business. I wanted them to see that there aren’t two sides to consumer stories like mine, just one: the right side. While revenge is a negative and angry emotion, my approach was anything but vengeful.”

That respectful nature was part of a larger approach, which Carroll describes as “non-confrontational.” Like many authors in Hay House’s catalog, the singer/songwriter realized that coming across as bitter and rude wouldn’t really get to the heart of the matter and could actually escalate the tension further.

With a good idea in place, Carroll enlisted the help of family and friends to make his music videos and all were more than happy to help. After all, many people at some point in their lives have had a bad air travel experience and most people thought this would be an excellent way to get United’s attention. Also, his musician friends were very supportive, knowing how important the instrument was to the performer. He was on to something big.

“Call it intuition, but I absolutely knew that I was at the start of what would be a very long process, so I made two vows to myself that day: first, I would not give up until this matter was resolved to my satisfaction; and second, I would never lose my temper in any of my interactions. I would do my best to be respectful to everyone I encountered, knowing that they were simply trying to do their job within the rules they were given,” he writes.

Carroll obviously understands new thought concepts and applied them (knowingly or unknowingly) to the situation at hand. His grace-under-fire handling of the customer service issue cut through months of deadened leads and caused an airline—and the world—to stand up and take notice. As the video gained popularity and Carroll began doing media tours, he quickly understood how letting go of results and remaining focused on his goals would help move things forward.

“As has happened so many times in my career, there were plenty of reasons to wait until all the conditions were better in order to move ahead. But once again, I took a leap of faith that doing the best you can with what you’ve got always leaves you better off than having done nothing at all. I was reminded that stepping up to make the most an opportunity is when magic occurs and that the right people will always appear for you, at just the right time, but you have to first show up yourself.”

That approach would allow the songwriter to take advantage of synchronicities that came his way, including friends and strangers donating time and effort to make the videos and help him with his new career as a consumer advocate. The first video became successful so quickly that Carroll was forced into the limelight with little or no direction. He was pioneering a new way of taking on a giant corporation through social media and the idea was working.

Nice guys finish first

What becomes immediately apparent when reading UBG is Carroll’s understanding of the power new age thought. While so many in the main stream media turned the story into that of “one guy taking on a giant corporation,” Carroll focused on doing the right thing for himself, United and seemingly-powerless consumers everywhere.

At each step in the story, the musician kept a clear head and remained focused on telling the story the way he wanted. He stuck to the facts, letting others draw their own conclusions about United or about customer service, and in the process, reveals to the reader what happens when a nice guy is compelled into action.

Millions understood the frustration, anger and bewilderment he felt with the United experience and he’s received email after email of similar stories. He’s been recognized in airports and venues around the world as the “United guy,” and he’s been able to focus that popularity into new ventures.

In addition to his music, Carroll has launched a secondary career as a consumer advocate, sharing his United story with audiences and also helping co-found the website Gripevine (https://gripevine.com), where frustrated consumers can post messages to businesses large and small in hopes of getting satisfaction. He’s become an ombudsman of sorts, standing up for the little guy and leveraging his new contacts to help businesses learn to take care of their customers.

He also used the theory of “pay it forward” as he found success with the YouTube version of UBG, donating United’s financial compensation to people and organizations that needed a little extra boost. The video and corresponding story have since been used by organizations large and small as training material about customer service and social media.

What struck me most when reading United Breaks Guitars is Carroll’s overall life philosophy, how he turned each step in the United saga into a win-win for everyone involved. That life-approach is familiar to self-development readers who will resonate with Carroll’s mission statement:

 “Whatever I choose to engage in, I’ve decided to approach it with a caring and positive attitude, and I know that when I do, I attract more of the same. In the process, I’ll control the things within my reach and worry less about the things outside it.”

Overall thoughts

This is a deceptively complex manuscript. Carroll’s clear and simple writing make it a quick read yet the story line allows for different audiences to each get something out of the book. Business-type readers will appreciate the ramifications of social media on the bottom line; consumer advocates will resonate with his ability to get United to act; while personal-development readers will take home examples of living a consciousness-centered life.

While you’re at it, check out Carroll’s first “United Breaks Guitars” YouTube video or check out some of his other music. In particular, “Now” is a beautiful ballad based on the work of Eckhart Tolle and other new thought pioneers.

United Breaks Guitars is available from these booksellers:

FTC Disclosure notice

I received this book for free from Hay House Publishing for review. The opinion in this review is unbiased and reflects my honest judgment of the product.

It’s all about choice

“You don’t have to stay stuck in this.”

I felt like a concerned friend trying to talk myself into believing some rather blatant and obvious advice. I knew the option was there—to change my thinking and challenge some old beliefs—but staying where I was felt so familiar. Notice I didn’t say comfortable. Sometimes familiar is anything but comfortable.

I dug down deep into my psyche to evaluate the situation. I’ve been studying conscious creation for several years and understand the concept intellectually: you create your own reality—all of it. Acquiescing to that belief means I can’t blame anyone else for my problems or challenges, they’re all uniquely my own. In fact, I even believe that I willingly take on specific challenges simply because they will in some way expand my learning and take me to a new plateau. But the liberation I feel when I think about that concept certainly feels much different when I’m staring my own challenges in the face.

All of us have particular challenges we have selected to work on in this lifetime. Some are small goals that can be achieved with relative ease while others are the culmination of a lifetime of closely-held beliefs. One of my challenges is money and abundance (like most of Americans these days) and I realize when I work on money issues, I’m trying to change more than 40 years of thoughts and beliefs about money, worthiness, safety and trust.

It’s those deeply-rooted beliefs that can cause a lot of problems if you don’t become conscious of them. And even when they do become conscious, it can take some practice and hard work to change them. But there’s one small, yet very powerful, tool in the conscious creation arsenal that often gets overlooked: choice.

For me, this reminder popped up over the weekend as I was paying my monthly bills. As is usual at the first of the month, bill paying can sometimes send me into a tailspin of negative beliefs: will I have any money left at the end of the month? Will I ever have more money? Will I ever be able to take a real vacation? The questions are endless but the result is always the same. The thoughts send me into a mild depression about money, the future and where I am with some of my conscious creation goals.

Even knowing what I do about conscious creation, I had a hard time controlling my thoughts. No matter what I tried to do physically—clean the house, mow the lawn, talk on the phone—my thoughts seemed to creep back to those pesky money-related issues. The law of attraction took over each time and one thought would turn into many others on the same subject. The result was more of the same and lots of negativity pervading my otherwise outstanding weekend.

I was sitting on the deck late pondering these questions, again, when I became aware of a new emotion—anger. I was becoming angry with myself for having these repeated thoughts take over my consciousness. Anger directed at ones self is never useful (despite what we have been taught), so I knew I was stepping into dangerous territory. Still, my life experience seemed to reinforce something that simply wasn’t working. That is, I was hoping that focusing on the problem would help me find new solutions and it wasn’t. So, I’d get angry again and start the cycle anew.

When I really couldn’t stand it any longer, that beloved inner voice rose up and spoke to me in a quiet, calm and convincing manner. “You don’t have to stay stuck in this,” it reminded me. The words caught me off guard with their simplicity. “Of course I have to stay stuck in this, I don’t know any better!” my conscious mind objected.

From there, I was able to engage myself in a dialogue about the nature of reality and how it relates to conscious creation. I reminded myself that I was already doing all of the “work” I needed to when it comes to my money goals. I reminded myself that I was working on feeling safe in my world and that the universe is always leading me toward my best fulfillment. But, my inner self objected: even while the universe is lining up better and better things for me, I still have the choice of how I feel in each moment.

It sounded like Pollyanna advice; however, I knew it was correct. I’ve written about these subjects, I knew the benefit to the concepts but I needed a stern yet compassionate reminder that it’s always a choice of how to respond in the present moment that makes all the difference.

It does take a leap of faith to consciously choose a new path for yourself and for your thinking. As I sat and teetered on the edge of choosing a new path for my thoughts, I knew I was ready to tackle the process. For me, that meant that despite the slow progress (or seeming lack of progress) on my goals, I had to be vigilant in each moment to make the choice between the new and the old. I can choose to feel good about my progress and my new direction or I can stay stuck in the old. The choice is mine.

The old, familiar thoughts certainly weren’t working for me. Yet I looked at them with nostalgia. I had practiced the habit of feeling bad about money and abundance and I knew how to handle it even as I wished for a better outcome. I knew the contours of the feelings and where they would lead and felt ashamed for thinking them again. Choosing a new reaction to these thoughts felt like trying to stop a locomotive in motion. I knew it was possible and I knew it would be in my best interest, but I had to rouse my full consciousness to do it. That is, it would take a lot of energy to do it the first time and then the process would become easier.

This is one of those times when the real work of self-development happens when you’re in the middle of a “tough situation.” It’s one thing to learn about and study concepts when you’re in a good mood, devoid of in-the-moment challenges. It’s another when you’re slapped in the face with a chance to change your life. I hypothesized that the situation must be like an alcoholic deciding whether or not to take a drink after attending an AA meeting for the first time. The situation becomes a now-or-never proposition and the choice will set the tone for future development.

I did decide that I was tired of having the same reaction to money and I told myself that from now on, I would consciously choose a better feeling thought. That new thought can shift as circumstances change but the important part is to recognize when I’ve drifted into old thinking patterns and remind myself that I have a choice. I always have a choice.

Now this doesn’t mean that answers to my money woes will suddenly appear out of thin air. It doesn’t even guarantee that I’ll make headway on changing my beliefs about money. But making a conscious choice to accept a new line of thinking tells my inner self and the universe that I’m serious about a new direction. Accepting new thinking sets into motion a whole slew of probabilities for me, any of which may turn my life around in new, unexpected ways.

It seems too simple to boil this notion down to the word choice, but in many ways it is that simple. Too often I forget (and many others do, too) that making a choice to feel, think or act differently is where the real work of self-improvement starts. It’s the gateway to honoring the spirit and it all starts with taking that first step. Here’s to choice.

 

 

 

Should you take things personally?

The email was making my blood boil. I was stunned to the point I didn’t know what to think and as my fingers started to hit reply, I was already formulating a response. That’s when I realized I had unknowingly walked into ego country and I knew I needed to find a way out—and fast. The problem? I was taking the email personally.

As a society, we’re really good at taking things personally. The co-worker who is friendly and helpful to everyone except you; the driver who flips you off on the highway when you’re simply minding your own business; or the flippant remark from your spouse at the end of a long day. The benchmark of taking things personally is always the same: we feel strong emotions and they usually aren’t good. Taking things personally brings us anger, sadness, rage and depression.

New age and spiritual teachers frequently teach us to not take things personally. They teach us that developing thicker skin or turning our attention away from the problem are better psychological responses to daily situations. And in some of these cases, they’re right. However, there are some advantages to taking things personally and they mesh very well with conscious creation.

Why not to take things personally

Plainly and simply, the biggest problem in situations where you feel singled out is your ego. To itself, the ego’s purpose is clear: to help you navigate through physical reality. It helps you judge the physical landscape and make adjustments in your own thinking and behavior that it perceives are in your best interest. But the ego has become inflexible. And with that inflexibility, it has conditioned itself to think the worst of any situation.

When you’re thinking the worst, you take things personally. In my earlier email example, I was convinced that my friend had singled me out and was speaking directly to me, despite her very clear language to the contrary. The ego puts a lot of energy into protecting itself and it feels that by preparing for a worst-case scenario, it will be better off in the long run.

The other big challenge to the ego is its lack of knowledge. The ego is helping you focus your physical reality and no one else’s. The ego and the intellect are not equipped to handle great amounts of knowledge and are therefore given only small bits of information from the inner self. The hardened ego doesn’t allow you to know why your friend just cancelled your lunch plans, it only wants to make sure you’re mad as hell about it. When you don’t have all of the information, you don’t have clear insight into others’ thoughts and opinions. Your friend may be having a bad day and doesn’t want to burden you with her problems. She may be feeling ill and too embarrassed to say anything. Without that knowledge, you and your ego assume the issue is with you.

You understand that you manifest what you concentrate upon. In this case, taking things personally leads to a barrage of similar situations. In conscious creation, it’s important to align your thoughts, emotions and beliefs with the outcome you desire. Spending time and energy with “why me?” syndrome only gets you more of the same. Choose a different direction.

Why to take things personally

So if we don’t know all the answers and we’re running around with hardened egos, what good can come from taking something personally? First and foremost, it allows you to become aware of your own subjective thoughts and emotions and then gives you the chance to change them. You get ownership in the process and take an active role in transforming it into something beneficial.

Often, simply the awareness that you’ve taken something personally allows you to make a significant shift in its transformation. The recognition tells you, “I created this,” or “I attracted this,” which means you can then say, “I can move through this.” Without that conscious acknowledgement, you may not be aware of your own power.

Another critical signpost in this area is to gauge your emotional reaction to situations that cause you to feel singled out. Very strong emotions—hurt, anger, sadness, and rage—are a direct hit to your system. If the emotional nature is strong, it’s vying for your attention. It’s your inner self telling you that you seek change in this area and opens up the possibility for change. You must be conscious of that impulse.

When your emotional reaction is weaker or more subdued, you become somewhat immune to the feelings. The reaction is more of an annoyance and over time may not get you to react. Taking something personally and having a strong reaction may be your inner self’s way of getting you to deal with a particular topic, person or belief that you wish to change. A slap in the face is sometimes very effective.

Moving in the right direction

If you’re faced with a situation where you take something personally, it’s important to approach the solution with a conscious mind. First, become aware of your subjective feeling. That is, be aware of the fact you’re taking something personally. This can be difficult when the ego is involved since you may be focused intensely on the issues themselves as opposed to the realization of your reaction. It takes practice to do this.

In the next moment, decide that you won’t react to anyone but yourself until you are clear headed. That means inaction with others and interaction with yourself. Now is when you should experience your emotions fully. Acknowledge them and release them. If you’re mad, shout it to the bathroom wall. If you’re sad, cry about it. Releasing emotions prevents energy blockages from forming and doing damage to your physical and psychological systems.

When the immediate emotions have passed, take some time exploring your thoughts and beliefs. The situation may be causing to you identify strongly in a particular area: do you feel left out, taken advantage of, ignored, misunderstood? If the thoughts and beliefs fall into areas that you’ve struggled with before, you may need to work through your feelings in a more structured environment. Taking time to do a belief exercise or journal your feelings may give you insight into your own mind and help you work through the issues.

If the situation genuinely feels outside of you, that is, if you feel you are relatively innocent in the situation, it’s time to confront the other person (nicely). Communication is the only way to clear the air when you’ve taken something personally. If your friend cancelled lunch plans and you still don’t know why, ask them about it. Tell them it made you upset or angry and ask for clarification. Communication gives your intellect and your ego the missing information it was denied earlier and may help you understand that it’s not all about “you.”

Finally, there’s an important conscious creation step that helps more than anything. Bring positive affirmation to the forefront of situations where you take things personally. Convince and remind yourself that uncovering emotional triggers is a good positive step. Have the expectation that this process is empowering and that what you are experiencing is a lesson. If you consistently expect a positive outcome, that’s what you’ll get.

Remember, it’s not all about you and yet it is all about you. Your reactions, your understanding and your choices can lead you to a more fulfilling existence. Start with yourself, realize your role(s) in life and allow yourself the courage to address anything that needs your attention.